Feb 23, 2010

They Made Tom Watch... 7

Director: The Something Brothers

What’s it about?
Vampires are the prevalent species in the world, and the humans are dying out. With them goes the food supply.

Vampire-with-a-conscience Ethan Hawke is trying to find a synthetic blood recipe to solve the crisis, while not drinking human blood. He finds some humans and joins them, for some reason, and then gets into various scrapes looking for a cure…
Ethan Hawke’s brother is after them, and eventually, via a holocaust metaphor, the goodies win. Don’t ask me how or why, because I didn’t care.

What did I think of it?
I thought that it was shit.

It was another case of a good concept being ruined by terrible execution. Not only didn’t it look very good, it was marred by THE WORST PERFORMANCES EVER. Sam Niell! Willem Defoe! Bad performances!

I can only assume that the directors were actually, literally, bananas sitting on chairs. They actually, somehow, retard the actors ability. Part of this of course is down to the exceptionally shitting awful script. I would repeat some choice lines here, but I don’t want to. Go see it if you don’t believe me.

But of course you shouldn’t see it. Because it’s shit.

Who is it for?
I honestly don’t know.

What is it like?
The Matrix meets Underworld, seen through the eyes of bananapeople.

Good Stuff: Increased profile for bananas. Tasty, but can’t direct films for shit.

Bad Stuff: See above

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