Jan 26, 2010

They Made Tom Watch... 3

What’s it about?
Chipmunks that sing. Sorry, I needed the space for below.

What did I think of it?
While watching this, I had so much time on my hands from trying to not watch it, I tried to think of metaphors I could use in this review, to let you know, in customarily hilarious style, how terrible it was.

Unfortunately, the only one I can remember is comparing it to Hitler’s blitzkrieg tactics at the beginning of the Second World War, as the movie continuously, relentlessly and mercilessly assaulted my senses with the tanks of high octave pop, while dive-bombing me with the Luftwaffe of incongruous plot points, all followed by the infantry of awful acting.

I’ve said it a lot about other films, but this film is utter shit. As a point of comparison, I’d rather watch Night at the Museum 2 AND Planet 51 BACK TO BACK than have to watch this again.
Specifically, what was wrong with it, I hear you ask. This film is meant to be funny. I think. But it misses me on all levels. I know the film isn’t for me, and hyperactive 7 year olds will probably love it… but I really wish they wouldn’t! It’s bad! It’s bad for them, and what’s bad for them is bad for society! Who wrote this? Who thought they were doing something good? Something productive? Why would they do this? I can only assume that they’re adults because I doubt that even the people that commissioned this shit would take a script from a 9 year old. It’s NOT FUNNY. Even the 2 jokes aimed at the adults are really, awfully unfunny and dated. They’re aimed at my parent’s generation. One is a Silence of the Lambs joke! A SILENCE OF THE LAMBS JOKE! A SILENCE OF THE LAMBS JOKE! My mind has started to dribble out of my ears attempting to intellectualise this movie. Piece of shit.

Who is it for?
Literally no one.

What is it like?
Having your mind tenderised while listening to a tuning fork.

Good Stuff
Jason Lee is in this movie! Granted not for long, but still. I feel very sorry for him. Though I suppose it is his fault.

Bad Stuff
Do I even need to fwrite anything here? I need a lobotomy after watching this. Piece of shit.

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