They Made Tom Watch... 8

Genre: Action BOOM SPLODEY!

Director: Michael ‘KABOOM’ Bay

Stars: Megan Fox, Megan Fox, Megan Fox, Megan Fox, Robots

What’s it about?
KABOOM! SPLODE! BOOM! KAPOW
Robots continue their war, with much ensuing explodiness… The Autobots under the awesomely cool Optimus Prime hunt the last of the Decepticons, who are looking for some ancient evil guy who…
Who am I kidding, this film didn’t really make any sense despite trying incredibly hard. Stuff about Energon, old transformers, big guns, etc etc.

Is it any good?
Yes, and no. I really, really wanted to like this film and I did like 90 minutes of it. First off, it’s an hour too long, bloated with crap exposition about its over-complex plot. There’s a sequence in the desert loaded with terrible dialogue delivered by an annoyingly ill-thought through geriatric transformer, that just doesn’t need to be there.
Another complaint is about the achingly terrible ‘twins’ who were apparently the brain-child of the director. For this alone, Bay can go to hell. They are horrendously unfunny jive-talking stereotypes who do nothing but annoy.
On the plus side… It has Megan Fox in it. Another of its excellent features is the actress, Megan Fox. It also benefits from the appearance of the talented Megan Fox.
The performances are fine, the battle sequences are stunning, and just enough to lift the film from utter, forgettable shitness.

Who is it for?
Everyone.

What is it like?
Transformers 1, but slower… much slower.

Good Stuff: Fighting robots. “ROLL OUT!”. Megan Fox. Megan Fox. Megan Fox. Megan Fox. BOOM SPLOSIONS!

Bad Stuff: Pace, characters, plot.