They Made Tom Watch... 10

What’s it about?
A new high-tech weapon has been developed by the evil Scottish (by the way of Hackney) Ecclestone. It falls into the wrong hands and it’s down to GI JOE to set the world to rights. Cue explosions.

Is it any good?
Funsplosive! This film had about 10 hours of fun jam packed into 2 hours. It’s like a jam doughnut that has too much jam in it. You appreciate that the makers were just thinking of you, because you love jam, but it hasn’t come out quite right. You kinda like dough too, and oops! There you go, jam on your trousers.
The jam, in this overdrawn metaphor, is the crazed high-paced action, that really doesn’t let up from after the small bit of exposition at the start. You get frenetic bursts of action (with the obligatory ear-destroying explosions) followed by a tiny amount of downtime that develops the ‘plot’ and the ‘characters’. These two elements are so thin, that our doughnut may as well be a jam jar made of paper.
But when you buy jam, you don’t care about the jar. So enjoy the sticky comfiture while it lasts, you don’t get many movies this self-aware.

Who is it for?
Doughnut fans? I’m not sure what I’m talking about anymore.

What is it like?
It’s like The Rock or Die Hard 4, but without the plot or characterisation.

Good Stuff: Brendan Fraser cameo. Explosions. Frenchspolsion (sacre-bleu!).

Bad Stuff: Lack of doughnuts. Lack of credible plot, script, characters, actors.