Jan 19, 2010

They Made Tom Watch... 2

My younger brother Tom is a projectionist at a multiplex, and part of his job is to screen new films before release, to check the prints. He also has to write a report on each film for the staff. So, each Tuesday, we're going to share with you his thoughts on what

They Made Tom Watch
This week...

Genre: British Gangster

What’s it about?
Given that I only really understood about 10% of the dialogue, I’m not entirely sure. I think someone owed someone else some money, and for some reason, was not allowed a reasonable payment plan, nor ever offered any interest rate. So he has to get it. Oh, and some other people don’t like him. I think. Or they liked him a lot, and had a funny way of showing it.

What did I think of it?
Yo yo… I’ll make this review into a dope rap hit,
What do I have to say about this movie? It was shit.
I can’t understand any of the dialogue,
Most of the acting is wooden as a log,
Of all the things wrong with this there is a catalogue,
I’d rather sit for 2 hours on the bog.
So, to wrap it up in a nutshell,
Sitting through this film was utter hell.

I just don’t get it! I don’t understand what there is to like about this film. Our ‘hero’ is a complete twat, utterly unsympathetic, and what he does is annoying, illegal and reprehensible! For me, this isn’t the makings of a gripping or fun time. But maybe I’m just getting old.

Who is it for?
Chavs, wannabe gangsters, scary drug-dealing types.

What is it like?
The criminal side of The Wire, but devoid of any talent in any facet of it.

Good Stuff: My review. Yo.

Bad Stuff: Once again, all of it. Why are there so many bad films? Who lets people make them? Who goes to see them? I DON’T UNDERSTAND!

1 comment:

  1. I like this feature...it's light and amusing yet still informative enough.

    I like how your brother calls the hero "a complete twat" here and also branded SJP "improbably ugly" in his last review. Sometimes you just can't wrap descriptions up in bows and ribbons.

    + that rap is dope yo.